When a relationship matures and you leave the first intoxicating months behind you, feelings of sexual attraction often turn into something more comfortable and less pleasurable.
But even though a secure partnership is a rare joy, many couples long to bring that excitement back into the bedroom. How can you ignite the spark again?
We often focus on what's going on in our heads. Are we stressed out? Tired? Are you worried about work or money problems? I think the best way to reconnect is to instead focus on our body using all five senses. By understanding how their constant interaction can make the world appear bigger, brighter and sexier. For example, did you know that pudding tastes sweeter when you serve it in a red bowl?
Or that we rather let ourselves be pampered when we have a cold?
Marketing guru Russell Jones, who has helped market products and strengthen brands for over ten years, has shown how using the five senses can ignite your sex life (image)
Or, more specifically, sex is better when men can smell donuts or licorice? These are the insights from the areas of neuroscience and behavioral psychology that I use every day to market products and strengthen brands.
At the pioneering design agency that I founded ten years ago – inventing an entire industry – we approach everything we do from a multi-sensory point of view.
We humans may think we are rational beings who make well-considered, intelligent decisions, but we are not.
We are emotional machines that make emotional decisions and explain them rationally after the event.
And once you understand science – and become aware of how your senses are constantly influencing and changing you – you have the tools at hand to improve and intensify every experience of everyday life, from eating to shopping to Sex.
Over the years, I've made ice cream taste better by making the cones sound crispier when you bite them. I sold David Beckham's whiskey by creating a fragrance that smelled like it tasted.
I created sounds to improve the taste of sashimi as part of Heston Blumenthal's famous multi-sensory Sounds of the Sea dish served with headphones from a conch shell that played a record of the ocean.
I even helped improve John Lewis's home textiles department by introducing nostalgic flavors and reducing lighting to encourage shoppers to feel inspired.
Russell said the art of getting it going involves every sense, both consciously and on an original, instinctive level (file image)
Now I am ready to share the secrets of my trade with you so that you can use them to improve every aspect of your life – starting in the bedroom. Having sex is perhaps the most multi-sensory thing we've ever done.
From attraction to flirtation to intimacy itself, the art of getting it going attacks every sense both consciously and on an original, instinctive level. And although our taste is idiosyncratic, I've learned that there are certain sounds and aromas, colors and shapes that have the same physiological effects on all of us.
Whether you are in a new relationship or in a marriage lasting for decades, these sensory signals can maximize fun and pleasure at the right moment. . .
DITCH CHANEL No. 5
It may not be the first meaning you think of in the bedroom, but the scent plays a big role in how we address our partners – and can be the only trigger for a passionate night.
Experts now believe that the act of kissing has evolved because it involves our noses and tongues as much as possible and we can smell and taste the tolerance of a potential partner.
We are unconsciously attracted to chemicals called pheromones or hormonal aroma molecules that activate certain reactions in us.
The scent of cinnamon, vanilla, anise and donuts has been shown to contribute to arousal
We are instinctively influenced by them in our search for genetic benefits – theoretically, they help us find someone who has a different immune system than we do to produce children who are less prone to disease.
So the first rule for great sex is: go natural. If you are planning a romantic evening and need a shower after a working day, do not use any artificial fragrances afterwards – keep your skin pure.
If you are clean, you don't need a fragrance at all. According to research by psychologist Rachel Herz from Brown University in the United States, we are much more attracted to a person's natural smell than any artificial perfume that she uses.
Smell was more important for women than for men, but far above for both. So when you are together, you probably already have an instinctive affinity for the smell of each other's skin.
PAINT IT CARAMEL
Research shows that people with caramel-colored walls have sex most often, on average three and a half times a week (file image)
In 2016, over 2,000 Brits were surveyed about their bedroom wall colors and sexual behavior.
The results showed that people with caramel colored walls had the most sex, an average of three and a half times a week (the UK average is about twice a week).
Tips for smarter shopping
Research has shown that we choose healthier foods when shopping with a heavy bag. Weight is transferred to a feeling of emotional stress, and we try to compensate for this by opting for more calorie or soothing products.
Russell recommends putting on the coat to avoid splashing while shopping
WEAR YOUR COAT
The feeling of air on the skin can change decision making. If you feel cold, choose a pampering rather than a healthy option. Shops know that! A survey measured temperatures in a number of stores and found that the more expensive stores were all colder. Put on your coat and avoid splashing out.
We combine green packaging with healthy food because green reminds us of nature – even if the calories are sky-high. The same applies to packaging with a rough texture. From what you know, food may be full of chemicals, but we are so touched by our senses that apparently recycled packaging makes us believe that everything in it is environmentally friendly.
LISTEN TO MUSIC
In one study, a vineyard in Tesco played French music and German oompah the next week. Usually people bought four times more French wine than German wine, but when French music was played the ratio was eight to one. When Oompah was playing, German wine sold the French at two to one.
Interestingly, only two percent of people stated that this had influenced their choice. The other 98 percent denied that it had anything to do with it!
The researchers believe this is due to a learned association between the color and pleasure of eating caramel and chocolate, and the link between chocolate and sex.
Can't you afford to redecorate? A beautiful amber glow in the room, created with colored light bulbs or just an amber lampshade, is the next lighting that can lead to a lush caramel – and it also combines sensually with the warm scents of vanilla and nutmeg, with each element the other reinforces and creates an enveloping sensual atmosphere.
KEEP THINGS CURVY
On the whole, people prefer the appearance of curved, flowing lines over straight and angular shapes.
Cambridge psychologist Robert H. Thouless suggested in 1947 that sexual desires are at the root of our aesthetic appreciation, as curves are fundamental to the human body.
In the world of product design and packaging, this is taken very seriously – because it works.
You will find that the more pleasant the product is, the more fluid the forms used in graphics, fonts, logos and packaging.
When decorating and furnishing your bedroom, pay attention to rounded contours in 3D shapes. Choose patterns on bedspreads and carpets with curved and flowing designs to create a pleasantly decadent environment.
A somewhat surprising US study seemed to prove that the smell of pumpkin pie improved a man's erection by 40 percent!
Many of the other excitatory flavors were also food-related – for example donuts or liquorice – and one reason could be evolutionary.
After our ancestors returned from hunting, they were lucky. Perhaps you should light a candle for British men that smells with well-known delicacies such as rhubarb crumbs or strawberries and cream.
What we should draw from these results is that men respond physiologically and emotionally to tempting aromas. The key qualities of these baked desserts are warmth, spice and sweetness.
Cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla and anise are the main components of the three main scents of the study. Lighting a candle with a sweet scent creates a feeling of warmth, and the scent of these food-related ingredients will help get things going.
Wear FOXY RED
Researchers in New York found that men ask women more intimate questions and sit closer to them when they wear red (file image)
No surprises here, but red really is a powerful seductive tool. In nature's mating rituals, many species display what is called red, which may reveal the color of their plumage and curl towards a potential partner. People are no different, and researchers suggest that red is a built-in instigator of what they call "reproductive behavior."
A study in New York found that during a flirting conversation, men asked women more intimate questions and sat closer to them when the women were wearing a red shirt than when they were wearing green or blue. Another study showed that women judged men to be more attractive in photos, both when the men were wearing red and when they were standing against a red background. This innate connection can partially explain the attraction of the red lipstick. The use of red as a symbol of sex, lust and passion over the centuries stems from this original trigger.
PLAY THE CLASSICS
Professor Daniel Müllensiefen, music psychologist at Goldsmiths University in London, discovered that men are the best choice for men before and during sex: Let & # 39; s Get it On by Marvin Gaye (file image)
Research shows that men make more efforts to play music that they think their partner wants to have in the bedroom, while women tend to play their own favorite music. If you want to have ideas, Professor Daniel Müllensiefen, music psychologist at Goldsmiths University in London, conducted a survey among 2,000 men and women in 2012 and asked them about their best musical choices before and during sex. The favorite choice for men was Let & # 39; s Get it On by Marvin Gaye, while the first choice for women was the soundtrack for the film Dirty Dancing.
The consistent characteristics of the tracks that put people in the mood were "relaxed", "tender", "peaceful", "happy" and "reserved".
Another study suggested that music with intertwined melodies – like Ravel's Bolero – promotes closeness to passion, because lovers are involved in the music and feel that it represents itself intertwined.
There are other qualities of music that can contribute to the physical act of love and increase it emotionally.
It has been shown that an effect sometimes referred to as "skin orgasms" is caused by musical passages that "violate our expectations".
Scientists at Purdue University in Indiana claim that people who have eaten or drunk something sugary have identified potential partners as more attractive (file image)
One study showed that around 80 percent of the subjects shivered when listening to music that contained sudden changes in harmony, unexpected moments or places with unusual deviations between two elements.
Almost 40 percent of the people in the study associated the sensation with sexual arousal.
The pieces of music that have been shown to produce skin orgasms include Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto No. 2 and Someone Like You by Adele.
Create a playlist of music that evokes that feeling and put it in the background to make your skin more sensitive while focusing on the intimacy of the moment.
FEED HIM SUGAR
When you are in a new relationship, eating something sweet will inspire your feelings about each other.
Scientists at Purdue University in Indiana showed that people who ate or drank something sugary rated potential partners as more attractive and were more interested in building a long-term relationship with them.
Touch with a brush
Renowned sex therapist Linda De Villers claims that it is possible to create deeper levels of connection by caressing each other's arms and back (picture)
In an average relationship, men are the main touchers in the first year, then women take on the role.
But the amount we touch tends to decrease over time.
Learning how to touch again is one of the best ways to reconnect.
Skin feeling is the most sexually stimulating texture on a physiological and emotional level. Soft stroking releases oxytocin, the “love hormone” that plays a role in how many orgasms we have and how much we enjoy them, and helps to form romantic bonds.
The renowned sex therapist Linda De Villers is a representative of what she calls "non-targeted sensual touch".
She recommends spending time caressing each other's arms and back and becoming familiar with being both a giver and a recipient of touch to create deeper levels of connection.
She suggests a multi-texture exercise for couples that can help you explore the textures and sensations that you like best. She suggests collecting up to ten different objects with different materials, textures and temperatures, for example: a fur glove, a piece of satin ribbon, an ice cube, an emery board, a soft artist's brush and a toothbrush.
Lie down and close your eyes, let your partner (or yourself) stroke the side of your body and write down what you like or dislike and what feelings you feel.
… but there are also far more than five senses
We all know the five senses – but there is much more. We actually have somewhere between nine and 30 – something depending on the view of the scientist who counts them.
This includes proprioception – our sense of where our limbs are in the room; When it's drunk, it's compromised, which is why people can't walk in a straight line.
Kinesthesia is the ability to feel movements that are deceived when you sit on a motionless train, see another pulling next to you in the opposite direction, and for a second think that you are the one who is moving.
And interception is an awareness of inner feelings like hunger. Here are just a few of the amazing secrets of our senses. . .
Russell said no matter where in the world people are, they are most likely to agree that the taste of a lemon is quick and pungent (file image).
- Is the taste of a lemon quick or slow? Answer without thinking and I bet you said it quickly. I asked the question to a room of 200 people and everyone called "quickly" together. It is an example of a synesthesia in which two or more senses are experienced together. Regardless of where they are in the world, people will most likely agree that the taste of a lemon is quick and pungent, high and bright in color.
- In-flight food is made salty to compensate for engine noise. This is because loud background noise can cloud our other senses. If you were to eat these meals at home, they would taste really salty.
- They say "silence is golden", but true silence can be frightening. A "soundproof chamber" is a room that is suspended from springs and the walls of which are covered with an extreme version of the soundproof foam that is used in recording studios. All outside noise is canceled and the sound inside is boring and dead. If you spend a few seconds inside, you lose your sense of space and your balance begins to dwindle. Then you hear the inner workings of your body – the pulse on the back of your neck and the blood pumping around your ears become deafening.
- Smell is a deceptively important meaning. Research at the University of South Carolina shows that 76 percent of people with anosmia – total loss of smell – suffer from depression, anxiety, and feelings of vulnerability. This number is far more than those who lose their hearing or eyesight.
- People analyze personality by looking at someone else's face and judge in just a tenth of a second. Round traits, big eyes and baby-like qualities instinctively create trust, for example. In a review of 506 small claims hearings, the researchers found that based on our innate visual prejudices, people were more likely to win whether they were complainant or accused, whether they had a baby face or were attractive.
SENSE: Unlock your senses and improve your life. Russell Jones will be published by Welbeck on August 20, hardcover £ 12.99.
(tagsToTranslate) Dailymail (t) Femail