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The secret to a happy marriage is never to make love at night, say four couples


Let's call it old fashioned, but for most couples, sex is twilight until dawn. We usually cuddle together at night.

But there is an often overlooked group of people who wouldn't dream of making love after sunset and swear that the key to a fulfilling love life is to do it during the day when they are at their best (and the kids are ) School).

In fact, comedian Katherine Ryan, who stars in the new Netflix sitcom The Duchess, recently revealed in an interview that she and her husband Bobby Kootstra have given up nighttime passion and make all their love by daylight.

"We have sex at 10 am when the kids are at school," she admitted.

We spoke to four couples who definitely love making hay while the sun is shining …

It's a book for me at sleep time

Emma Burns, 38, a body confidence trainer and reflexologist, and her husband Sam, also 38, a hematologist, live in Caerphilly, Gwent with their three children, ages 12, 11 and five.

Emma says: Fortunately, due to Sam's shift pattern, some of his days off fall on weekdays. After dropping out of school together, we practically run home, excited by the prospect of going back to bed.

Like many parents, we take advantage of an empty house. But even before the kids came along, we both always preferred sex during the day.

With the kids in school and more energetic during the day, couples say the afternoon joy keeps their marriage alive

We have more energy when the sun is shining – at night I like to relax with a good book or a good TV show – and it's nice to be able to see my husband's eyes and body while we are making love.

I think it's a sensory thing – sex is more comfortable for me when I can give sight to all of the other senses that come into play.

I know some women are aware that their bodies are in the unforgiving light of day – even for their husbands – but after 18 years together and three kids, I still feel sexy in my own skin.

Sam and I met at university and of course my libido has increased and decreased since then, especially in the first few years after the children were born.

Emma and Sam Burns prefer to relax at night and leave the day to lovemaking

Emma and Sam Burns prefer to relax at night and leave the day to lovemaking

If we were ever in love at night, you could guarantee that one of the kids will wake up at the worst possible moment.

For the past few years we've made time for sex at least once a week.

If the kids didn't go to school all these months, it meant we set our alarms to go off before they woke up.

It wasn't the most passionate or adventurous sex, but it was the only way to buy time for it.

Now they are back at school, we can take our time again. And there is never a feeling of speeding things up so we can fall asleep.

Those who limit sex to something they do just before bed miss out on a lot of it.

After Emma and Sam dropped their children off at school, "they practically run home," the 38-year-old revealed

After Emma and Sam dropped their children at school, “they practically run home,” the 38-year-old revealed

Sam says: Finding time for intimacy is a challenge in any long-term relationship with children.

But the fact that Emma and I have always preferred making love during the day has been really positive in our relationship.

If we only associate it with the night, it can fall completely off the agenda.

That would be a huge shame because it brings us closer and closer together and somehow keeps us from arguing about stupid things like who is dragging their weight around the house or not.

BEN TEXTE WHEN HE'S READY FOR IT

Lynda Labi, 36, a contact center specialist, and her husband Ben, 37, an account manager, live with their two children, ages three and one, in Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire.

Lynda says: Ben and I have been together for 13 years, but we only slept in the same bed a few times. As a result, all of our most intimate moments happened during the day.

Even with two young children, we still have sex three times a week – unlike some of my friends who share a bed with their husbands – because we make time for it during the day while we still have the energy and affection.

One of the first things Ben told me when we met – we got together after I bought a TV that he sold online through Gumtree – was that he found it impossible to sleep while sharing a bed .

He even insists on having his own room on a bachelorette party.

Lynda Labi and husband Ben rarely sleep in the same bed - but they make sure to let each other know when they're ready

Lynda Labi and husband Ben rarely sleep in the same bed – but they make sure to let each other know when they're ready

We tried to snuggle up together on our honeymoon in Japan a few years ago, but we both had trouble sleeping.

Luckily we had booked a suite so I moved into the sofa bed in the living room.

We have our own bedrooms at home that our friends and family find strange.

When we announced that I was pregnant with our first child, my brother-in-law said, "What if you don't sleep in the same room?"

I was too embarrassed to point out that sex doesn't just have to happen at night.

In the evening we bathe the children and put them to bed. Once we do that, I'm really exhausted.

I come downstairs, clean the kitchen and have two hours before going to bed that I like to read or catch up on on TV.

Even during her honeymoon, Lynda slept on a sofa bed in her hotel suite, but they still find time for each other

Even during her honeymoon, Lynda slept on a sofa bed in her hotel suite, but they still find time for each other

I work part time and Ben works from home most of the time. When our oldest child is in the nursery and I'm putting the baby down for a nap, I can expect a text from him asking me to go to his room as soon as our daughter sleeps.

It's really sexy and exciting and it really feels like we are nursing our marriage.

Ben says: I shared a bedroom with my growing up brother, but in adulthood I found it impossible to sleep through anyone other than to breathe next to me.

Fortunately, Lynda is very understanding of my need to sleep alone and neither of us wants a lack of intimacy between us.

We also have more energy to really use this time during the day.

BARRICADED IN THE BEDROOM

Laura White, 37, and her husband Paul, 35, who were forced to quit nursing after being 90 percent blind in a car accident, live in Peterlee, County with their four children, ages 16-5 Durham.

Laura says: The last few months (when the kids were home all day) have devastated our sex life.

We gave up all hope of making love at night years ago because by the age of about eight all four of our children had difficulty sleeping unless they are in our bed.

Now we have teenagers and young children, at least one of whom is always awake at the same time as us.

During the lockdown, we barricaded ourselves in the bedroom in the afternoons for a quickie and told our five- and six-year-olds they couldn't come in because we were writing Christmas lists.

Lockdown put a strain on Laura and Paul White's love lives as they didn't have a free moment raising their two children

Lockdown put a strain on Laura and Paul White's love lives as they didn't have a free moment raising their two children

They shouted through the door: "What did you write down?" And we would tell them to play for five minutes, otherwise Santa Claus wouldn't bring anything.

Some might say this is a little mean, but we have to be inventive to make sure we keep the passion alive in our marriage – it's the only thing that sets your relationship with your spouse apart from everyone else in your life.

Now the children are back in school. We have sex again a few times a week and sometimes take several hours for a "date" that we spend in bed to watch a movie after making love.

Once a neighbor, who is also a good friend, arrived in bed and, having received no answer to her knock, tried the unlocked door and went inside.

She called my name and I said, "Oh, can you just give us a few minutes?"

When she came back later, I laughed when I said, "We had sex," and she was deeply ashamed.

I don't think people expect couples to get intimate during the day, but I have no idea why not.

Laura and Paul got around lockdown problems by barricading themselves in their bedroom and telling their kids they were busy making Christmas lists

Laura and Paul got around lockdown problems by barricading themselves in their bedroom and telling their kids they were busy making Christmas lists

You must not realize how much more fun it is if you take your time and still have the energy to do it, which is rarely the case at night.

There was one time when we expected a microwave to be delivered, and the law said the bell rang while we were in crisis.

I put on a t-shirt and went to the door. After I signed the package, the driver was about to leave it on the doorstep when I said, “Would you mind just moving it in? I can't bend down because I don't have underpants on. & # 39;

You should have seen the look of shock on his face.

Paul says: If Laura and I didn't make time for sex during the day, I'm afraid it would never happen.

There is no other time – in the evening, overnight or first thing in the morning – when at least one of the children is not with us.

And a great benefit of doing it during the day, when we have the house to ourselves, is that we can make as much noise as we want.

Our afternoons are a joy

Liz Richards, 29, who is doing a Masters degree, and her husband, Jon, 32, a care teacher, live in Derby.

Liz says: When Jon and I started dating six years ago, we were both working as post-school teachers in China.

Our working day lasted from 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. At this point we were too tired to have sex, so we got into the habit of making time for it before going to school.

And it's a practice that's stuck throughout our relationship. Only now do we make love when Jon returns from work that afternoon.

Liz Matthews and her partner Jon were too tired to have sex in the evening and instead chose to have sex before going to school

Liz Matthews and her partner Jon were too tired to have sex in the evening and instead chose to have sex before going to school

We then have so much more energy for it and make love about four times a week.

We don't get into a complicated mating ritual. One of us will raise our eyebrows and say, "Do you fancy it?"

And the other will answer: "Yes, everything is clear."

Most of the time we go to bed because it's the most comfortable place to make love.

The only downside is that the chances of being disturbed are much greater and I haven't counted the number of times we've been interrupted by a knock on the front door.

Once, a snack we ordered for 5pm came an hour early and totally ruined the moment. I think the driver suspected what was going on when I opened the door in my bathrobe with pink cheeks and curly hair.

I speak openly about sex with friends and most are surprised when I tell them about our passion for afternoon pleasures.

Unlike us, they usually have nine to five jobs and for them sex is mostly something that happens last at night or first thing in the morning.

Liz says she didn't count the number of times her bed sessions were interrupted by a knock on the door

Liz says she didn't count the number of times her bed sessions were interrupted by a knock on the door

I regularly take medication for a bad back – the result of an injury at work a few years ago – which makes me sleepy, as long as we can still make full use of the energy I have in the middle of the day.

Jon Says: I was at a party recently and was talking to a group of women who were all complaining about how infrequently they had sex with their partners, mostly because they were too tired when they went to bed.

I was silent because I didn't think it was my place, but I wanted to say, "Take your time during the day before exhaustion sets in, you fools."

This approach has always worked well for Liz and me.

While it does mean that the doorbell disturbs us sometimes, besides frustration it always leads to a lot of laughter, which like sex is very important in our relationship.

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