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RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: Well, it's Merry Christmas here, nobody is having fun


Unfortunately, but almost inevitably, it looks like Christmas is about to be canceled as Boris Johnson gives in to pressure to push the country back into the background during the festive season.

Ministers are already warning that the rules will be strictly enforced, and police chiefs are calling on the public to berate their neighbors for refusing to comply with the rule of six and other restrictions.

No pantos, no live music, no traditional Christmas carols. It's really going to be a bleak winter.

When Mud once sang, "It's going to be lonely this Christmas."

That is why this column has put together a special concert with many stars to keep you company in the dark days to come.

RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: No pantos, no live music, no traditional Christmas carols. It's really going to be a bleak winter

It was recorded in front of a socially distant audience at the London Palladium just before the lockdown. So let the sleigh ride begin. Feel free to sing along. . .

Laymen and Gennulmen, we're opening our show with a specially rewritten version of an international hit.

It is only available as a single and is available for download. All proceeds go to the Marcus Rashford Free School Meals campaign. Here is Cov-Aid with …

Do you know it's Christmas?

It is Christmas time

We should be afraid

It is Christmas time

And what a bloody mess they made.

In our world class country

The NHS can't handle it

So everyone who comes in here

Give up hope.

You cannot say a prayer

They closed all churches

It is Christmas time

But you can't go to town.

There is a world outside your window

It's a world full of fear and fear

Where a kiss on the cheek can kill you

A hug can leave you dead

And the carol singers

Are nowhere to be seen

They are banned if they spread Covid-19.

There will be no joy or no fun in Weston-Super-Mare

No Hogmanay in Edinburgh either

The government is scared

And so they are prepared

So that we don't have Christmas time at all.

Fantastic. The hits just keep coming. Of course, no Christmas show would be complete without our next Slade song. Take it away noddy …

Merry Christmas everyone

Do you hit your head against the wall?

Are you waiting for the call from Track & Trace?

Are you isolated

Do you have your PPE?

Did the end of the vacation mean layoffs?

So here it is, Merry Christmas

Nobody has fun

Your children have no future now

It has only just begun.

Do you hope your marriage will survive?

That you can still make it out of the lockdown alive?

Your grandma is in a nursing home

She is locked in her room

You can only talk to Zoom.

So here we are, Merry Christmas

Nobody has fun

Your children have no future now

And it's only just started.

What will you do,

What if you see Chris Whitty on TV again?

Oh no!

Do you hit your head against the wall?

Do you think it's all behind it?

Do you give a flying monkey

About the so-called Chinese plague?

Or run the risk of getting killed!

So here it is, Merry Covid

(It's CO-VID!)

Nobody has fun

Your children have no future now

It's time to buy a gun …

Thanks, Noddy. Now a quick look at our traditional Christmas carol service recorded a few days ago at Strangers & # 39; Bar in the House of Commons, just before the last orders came in at 10pm. It shows the Scientists of Sage choir, soloist Matt Hancock.

The good King Wenceslaus cannot go out

He is isolated

If he breaks it we'll find out

He is being watched.

More of this in our next program. Well something like an exclusive one. With their own rework of a Christmas Smash written by George Michael and first by Wham! Taken in here is a brand new supergroup formed to represent Conservative constituencies in the north of England. They call themselves the Red Wall, and that is …

Last Christmas

Last Christmas we gave you our votes

But I'm sorry to say that you threw them away

Next year when we're in the third tier

We will vote for someone who is different …

Finally, a very special guest star straight from Downing Street with their own version of this seasonal classic from Chris Rea, say hello to Dominic Cummings.

I'm going home for Christmas …

(Audience: GET OFF!)

I was sitting at the hairdresser's the other day trying to figure out who my husband Harry reminded me of. He was wearing one of those transparent full face visors that look like welding masks.

Then I noticed.

He was the likeness of Lady Di in her minesweeping days.

ALSO LONDON'S GALLING

These MPs from the North, unhappy with the economic damage their constituencies are suffering from ridiculous Covid restrictions, have my full condolences and support.

But some parts of the south are also suffering.

Some of those who work in the gig economy haven't seen a penny since the pandemic started in March.

Yes, the north of England will be hit hard, but not disproportionately. As the Private Eye comic says, so is Grim Up North London.

  • The suspicious public speech has always amazed me. Why should companies pay good money to hear platitudes and stereotypes spread by former politicians? It is reported that Mother Theresa, one of the most uninspiring speakers of all time, can charge fees of up to £ 150,000 per pop for half an hour on her hind legs. I'm sorry, but I've heard almost everything she has to say and honestly I wouldn't give her any support.

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