Should you stay with a scammer? People reveal what they really think of friends who forgive their partner's affair – revealed as the key signs of a stray spouse
- Relationship and dating coach Louanne Ward asked followers about fraud
- The question was whether it was "weak" to take someone back after the scam.
- Many people said it was unwise to stay and there would always be a "doubt".
- Others said it was up to the individual and they would not judge
An Australian dating coach asked the public if they would judge friends and family members who forgave their partner for the scam – and the results are shared.
Relationship expert Louanne Ward asked the controversial question on her Facebook page She Said, He Said, and asked whether it was considered "weak" or "stupid" to stay if a level of trust was broken.
"If you choose to stay with someone who cheated on you, do you think other people will judge you?" She wrote.
Some of the first responses suggested that the judgment would become second nature because people outside of the relationship cannot imagine forgiving that person.
Relationship expert Louanne Ward asked the controversial question on her Facebook page, asking if it was considered "weak" or "stupid" to stay if a level of trust was broken
Some of the first responses indicated that the judgment would become second nature because people outside of the relationship cannot imagine forgiving this person (archive picture)
“I know people who have left and stayed, but there are many different reasons why people stay. Some stay for their children, others for fear of being alone, and others for the money, ”said a woman.
“So many people have opinions and judgments on the different reasons, but what most people don't realize is that people make the decision based on where they live. It's not right or wrong, it just means that they still have things to do. & # 39;
Another said she was in dire straits and many of her loved ones put pressure on her to leave because she "deserved better".
Another said she was in exactly this situation and many of her loved ones put pressure on her to leave because she "deserved better" (Louanne in the picture).
"I felt that in retrospect people judged me weak and stupid, but at the time when I was so emotionally shaken, I didn't think too much about what they thought and surprised no one more than myself when I decided to stay, "she said.
Others answered more uncomplicatedly: "To answer your question with yes, you would be both weak and stupid to stay with a scammer in your eyes and everyone else's."
One man said that "most" people would probably judge because this is a "default setting" when it comes to hearing about people's misfortunes.
One man said that "most" people would probably judge because it is a "default setting" when it comes to hearing about people's misfortunes (stock photo)
One woman countered: "I would never judge anyone, you never know what else they are dealing with."
Most agreed that it was not the role of family and friends to judge, but to support the person who was betrayed by a fraudster whether they stayed or not.
Previously, Louanne narrowed the three types of scammers to FEMAIL.
& # 39; There are different types of scammers and infidelity exists in different types, shapes and forms. The most common one I've narrowed down to three types of scammers and the telltale signs can vary slightly, ”she said.
& # 39; Are you a one time scam? Are you a thrill of persecution, repeat offenders? Or maybe they're an accidental fraud. & # 39;
Ms. Ward said most people feel the "accidental fraudster" because "they have convinced themselves and everyone else they know that this is a very difficult situation."
Key sign of an accidental fraudster
* Stay at work more often
* Travel or go out more
* Spend more time with the kids
* Look more animated on the phone
* Increased and suspicious use of social media
* Be perfectly manned or waxed
* New clothes or lingerie that you haven't seen before
* Talk about a new person at work or golf before the person suddenly stops mentioning them
Key sign of the one-time fraudster / serial fraudster
Once from the fraudster:
* They will tell you that they love you a lot more, but they don't show it
* You will have moments of guilt and buy you unexpected gifts
* They take you to beautiful places, but the conversation is suppressed
* You put an unusual distance between being stressed at work.
* You dream a lot
* They are more difficult to recognize because they have mastered their craft
* They go out of their way to tell you that your ex was unsure and that you have friends of the opposite sex
* You become defensive if you ask about their night or who they were with
* They will confess their undying love for you and in the same breath will suggest that you get help while ruining your relationship with your insecurities
* They use lines like "Why are you suddenly so insecure?"
The one-time fraudster had a temporary loss of judgment when he was away from his partner and felt incredibly guilty.
These people may buy you unexpected gifts or appear more distant if you spend time with them, even if you spend more time than usual.
"They often plan to go to a nice place, but when you get there, the conversation is suppressed," Louanne said.
"They ask what's going on and they say" nothing, I've never been happier ".
But if a fraudster gets away with his behavior more than once, he can become a serial fraudster.
“If a fraudster gets away with fraud, the thrill can get exciting. For this reason, "one-off fraudsters" often become serial offenders. So it's very important to look for the telltale signs, ”said Louanne.
& # 39; This type of scammer is a repeat offender and will always cheat because they love the thrill.
"If they get away with the crime, they get the power they want because they usually have a narcissistic personality."
(tagsToTranslate) Dailymail (t) Femail