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JAN MOIR: Meghan speaks – a guide for less than awake people


Harry and Meghan are California based and I just don't know what the hell they're talking about.

Self-repression alongside colonial guilt at the macro and micro level?

Green travel, working to save the world, reflecting on everyone else's "passive and active unconscious bias" and making excuses for their own?

This week, Megan (right) stepped into pound 200 pants with pound 500 vegan leather sandals and a pound 300 straw sun hat to loung 86-year-old feminist icon Gloria Steinem in an old backyard chat

It was bad enough when the two of them crouched in Frogmore Cottage, busy mending small injuries and quickly simmering in a gushing annoyance as they "nursed" their relationship; "Focus on who we are as a couple" and be "authentic and organic" as they unleash their "passion for change".

Through the damp fog of Sussex-Woke-Speak, you could almost see what it was about. But now?

Your U.S.-based organic florid flannel is a mystery.

Maybe we shouldn't be surprised. Today the couple lead excruciatingly mindful lives in the epicenter of California mindfulness. No doubt comforted by the fact that the avocados bruise easily there too.

In Britain, the Duke and Duchess should be unbiased officials. royal ciphers strongly advised against making their political views known. They found these restrictions so abrasive that they moved continents to find freedom and a great mansion at a great price.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex volunteer with Baby2Baby at the Dr. Owen Lloyd Knox Elementary School in Los Angeles

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex volunteer with Baby2Baby at the Dr. Owen Lloyd Knox Elementary School in Los Angeles

But now they have rediscovered their voices, what exactly are they saying? Your guess is as good as mine.

This week, Megan stepped into pound 200 pants with pound 500 vegan leather sandals and a pound 300 straw sun hat to lead 86-year-old feminist icon Gloria Steinem into a lounge chair and have a simple old son . Backyard Chat & # 39 ;.

In all fairness, it would take a heart of stone not to scream with laughter at the presumption.

Gloria has been advocating women's rights since the days when women didn't have any. Since the early 1960s she has never stopped writing and advocating for her main causes: birth control, equal pay, an end to violence against women, civil rights and social justice.

Meanwhile, Meghan once wrote messages about bananas to sex workers, telling them to cheer up.

They met under the auspices of Makers Women, a women's empowerment platform that broadcast the meeting around the world. Subject of the exercise? Encourage women to vote in the upcoming presidential election. Unspoken message? As long as they don't vote for Trump.

Here is my guide to the true meaning of the words of this epic feminist summit.

1. "I'm so glad you're home!" says Gloria, to which Meghan replies: & # 39; Me too. For so many reasons. & # 39;

WHAT IT MEANS: Oh oh! This was a shrewd reference to the drudgery and cruelty Cinder-Meghan-ella endured in evil Britain, where there was a problem with a tiara and Kate once didn't take it to the stores.

2. Gloria gives Meghan a bracelet that says "Linked, Uncategorized". Meghan, who absolutely hated being second in the royal family, is delighted.

MEGHAN SAYS: It means everything to me on every level; We are connected, not classified.

Today the couple lead excruciatingly mindful lives in the epicenter of California mindfulness

Today the couple lead excruciatingly mindful lives in the epicenter of California mindfulness

WHAT IT MEANS: No, I don't mind when people in the UK curtseyed to me. Not even when I get special services and VIP treatments at Soho House because I am who I am.

Even if my rank as royal woman gives me access to the likes of you, Gloria, and Oprah, Ellen, George, Amal and everyone else who ignored me when I was in suits but knocked on my door now.

Nobody has benefited from rank more than me, but it suits me now to pretend I came here for merit.

3. MEGHAN SAYS: I firmly believe that we are voting to honor those who came before us and to protect those who come after us. Ms. Steinem, my friend Gloria, is one of the women I will honor in my election.

WHAT IT MEANS: I've known this old doll for about five minutes, but it might be useful.

4. MEGHAN SAYS: As many of us believe, you can only be what you can see. And if it isn't, how can you aspire to something greater than what you see in your own world? I think maybe now we're starting to break through in other ways.

WHAT IT MEANS: Be what you see, be a bee that wants to be a bigger bee. Don't be a beekeeper, be a bee-seeker. Don't bumblebee, be free.

5. MEGHAN SAYS: My husband is a feminist too.

WHAT IT MEANS: Dimbo guy does what I tell him.

6. MEGHAN SAYS: There is no shame in being someone who stands up for basic human rights for everyone, which of course includes women.

WHAT IT MEANS: There is no shame and never has been. I just have & # 39; shame & # 39; said to make it look like I'm doing something brave and daring.

7. MEGHAN SAYS: Hello, honey. Come here.

WHAT IT MEANS: I meant the dog, Harry, not you. Go back inside.

8. MEGHAN SAYS: As I got older I could understand that being a feminist and a woman are not mutually exclusive. And to own that and to use your femininity and your identification as a woman in all the different layers.

WHAT IT MEANS: Has anyone seen my balcony bra?

Sequel follows…

It's not Sarah's & # 39; fight & # 39;

Sarah Harding, the star of Girls Aloud, has advanced breast cancer. She is 38.

We wish her all the best in the difficult months ahead. Every time a celebrity falls ill with cancer, I hope in vain that society isn't talking about "winning" and "losing" the fight against cancer.

This type of fighting terminology is often detrimental to those who, through no fault of their own, have not recovered well.

Sarah Harding, the star of Girls Aloud, has advanced breast cancer. She is 38

Sarah Harding, the star of Girls Aloud, has advanced breast cancer. She is 38

Or those with bad prognoses who have no chance of winning anything, least of all a fatal encounter with this disease.

The implicit suggestion in the battle idea is that cancer victims could do something about their situation if they just bucked up. Take some vitamins. Make the effort. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

These thoughts are a comfort to everyone except the patient. Surviving cancer is not a matter of will. And while cancer is many things, it is not a fight. On the contrary.

The patients are quite passive and utterly powerless and are pumped full of chemicals or radiation. A positive outlook helps, but cancer metaphors don't help anyone.

At worst, they can indicate that those who continue to struggle have somehow failed when the truth is they couldn't do anything. Anyway, good luck to Sarah (above) – and everyone else who has a difficult diagnosis.

Honey, you haven't shrunk a bit

Doctors were told to dull obese patients – to save taxpayers hundreds of millions of pounds. They have been accused of not being open about obese people whose health is largely based on their weight.

I would hate to be the general practitioner who might have to suggest to Honey Ross that she might be a little overweight … maybe she should go on a diet? Tin hats on. Go to the mountains.

The 23-year-old daughter of Jonathan Ross and his screenwriter Jane Goldman is a fat activist, an oversized influencer, a woman who stands out for her size and shape.

"Fat is not a feeling," she says. “I don't feel fat because I am fat. that's me and i like the way i look. & # 39;

She shamed her parents by saying that they "poisonously" fed them when she was younger. But weren't they just trying to help?

Family dynamics certainly sound complicated.

Honey believes diets don't work – well, they didn't work for her. However, the recent spectacular weight losses of Adele, Rebel Wilson, and Gemma Collins suggest that some diets can and do work.

Honey is happy as she is, good for her. However, being overweight is nothing to celebrate, as I know.

Honey's crusade may seem almost glamorous now – it does too – but what happens five, ten, 20 years later?

Being so overweight is just as unhealthy as being underweight, which brings years of misery, ill-fitting clothing, and being squeezed into airplane seats.

I applaud body positivism and the plus size movement, but nobody should fool yourself that fat is a plus in itself. It is a barrier to life, not a path to cozy happiness.

Brad Pitt flies discreetly with his beautiful 27-year-old model girlfriend Nicole Poturalski to his rosé vineyard in southern France.

How predictable! Apparently the German stunner speaks "five languages".

While this may be true, to be honest it usually means that the beauty can say "thank you". "Is that gluten free?" and "I do" in five languages ​​- possibly more. Of course we're all SO HAPPY for Brad, but wouldn't it have been refreshing – not to say exciting – if he'd avoided the traditional route of twenty smoking hot models and instead dated a woman his age?

Brad Pitt flies discreetly with his beautiful 27-year-old model girlfriend Nicole Poturalski to his rosé vineyard in southern France

Brad Pitt flies discreetly with his beautiful 27-year-old model girlfriend Nicole Poturalski to his rosé vineyard in southern France

A woman of substance, a woman with childbearing ankles, a woman who would know what to do with his rosémagnums and his Angelina hangover and sad eyes, forever searching the horizon for a peace that never comes? A woman like – how can I say that? – me. Is it because I'm not a polymath? Reply to a postcard, please.

P.S. While we dig into the topic of age, keep in mind that John Lewis just opened his online Christmas store if you need more evidence of the dire passage of time – and Home Alone star Macaulay Culkin turned 40 this week.

Every house must have one

No, I don't see Selling Sunset, which is too wrong – and populated with screeching grotesques masquerading as real estate agents.

Far more interesting are the California celebrity websites; A treasure trove of tricky factoids that describe the inner workings of stars in detail.

If, like me, you have an inquisitorial inclination – some might call it curious – then this is the place for you. I discovered; Ellen had two washing machines and two clothes dryers in the white oak utility room of the house she had sold to Ariana Grande.

Kristen Stewart has pictures of Elvis and Chairman Mao (!) In her beach house. Gwyneth has a yoga barn, Cat Deeley has a round leather sofa and two outdoor fire pits in her Hollywood Hills block, while Game Of Thrones actress Emilia Clark has bookcases filled with plants rather than books.

But maybe the Old World still trumps everything. I find that Kate and William's apartment on Kensington Place has a "dedicated luggage room" that simply beats any.

Kate and the toilet of truth …

Kate Winslet just gave an interview to the Hollywood Reporter. Fans will be happy that a long absence from the spotlight hasn't tarnished their talent for teasing.

"Now that I have to go back to work, I think, 'Oh damn, I forgot how to act," she said.

Still, she has to console herself to be good at it, no?

Kate Winslet just gave an interview to the Hollywood Reporter. Fans will be pleased that a long absence from the limelight hasn't tarnished their talent for teasing

Kate Winslet just gave an interview to the Hollywood Reporter. Fans will be pleased that a long absence from the limelight hasn't tarnished their talent for teasing

"At the end of the day, it's just a fucking Oscar," she told the magazine. I especially liked her story of how she decided to become an actress. It happened when she was in the bathroom when she was five.

"I was in the bathroom," she said when she realized something important. & # 39; Ahh. So acting is just being. Yes, I want to do that. I want to do that for a job. & # 39;

It should turn red, not red.

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