I write my will and worry that my sons are not mine

Steph and Dom Parker from television, 53 and 55 move on theirs To solve 22 years of marriage Your relationship problems. . .

Q. About thirty years ago I met a girl who got pregnant. I did the honorable thing and married her. We had the baby and two more afterwards. Then when the eldest was six years old, my wife asked for divorce and my whole life collapsed.

I have a partner now, but I never hear from my children. Over the years, people were surprised when I was introduced to my sons as a father, and only recently did someone tell me that my sons are not mine.

I love my grown-up children with every thread of my body – but I have to know whether I am their biological father.

An anonymous reader asked Steph and Dom Parker for advice if he feared that he would not be the real father of his sons (file picture).

I do my will and would like to ask her to do a DNA test after my death. If we match, I hope they forgive me; If not, they are excluded and have to challenge their mother.

I feel cheated all these years. What do you think?

STEPH SAYS: First of all, I want to say that I am deeply impressed that you have had the courage to talk to us about it, and I hope that a simple act of sharing your story will at least partially take the burden off your shoulders.

This is a painful situation and you have been living with it for years. It was clearly in the back of your mind and made you very unsettled and unhappy. I totally understand why you now feel the need for the truth to calm your mind.

It is interesting here how, as you describe in your longer letter, this questioning feeling has penetrated over the years.

You always felt that something was wrong. Now you feel like it's time to tear the plaster off, and you're preparing to do something that you shouldn't have mentioned or mentioned in years.

I feel that you are a very decent man. I think you made the right decision to get married and stick with it. You should be very proud of the results of your love and fruits of your work and celebrate that your children have become the men they are today – without you they would not be where they are.

Steph (pictured with cathedral) warned the reader that performing a DNA test by his sons would cause pain not only to his ex-wife, but also to the children

Steph (pictured with cathedral) warned the reader that performing a DNA test by his sons would cause pain not only to his ex-wife, but also to the children

I think you should put all of your focus on them. They say you feel a little cheated, but it's important to remember that if your ex-wife was unfaithful, she cheated, not the children.

I understand that you are likely to regret lost time, but you need to remember that your children are completely innocent.

So you should think very carefully before proceeding. You have to think about what you really want to achieve here.

Personally, I think that after all these years of supporting your children, opening Pandora's box doesn't do anything.

Your children are victims too

In the fall of your years, that bubbling resentment and curiosity shouldn't be part of your life.

Why waste your energy on a problem that you may never be able to solve?

If these painful feelings have to do with your ex-wife, remember that she has to face her own demons like we all do in the end. If there had been rumors of her sons' paternity over the years, she should have dealt with them too.

So my advice is not to do this. These boys have been your children all your life and there is nothing to be won if you may reveal that they lived this lie too.

When looking for a DNA test, you can cause pain not only to your ex-wife, but also to your children.

Try to enjoy yourself as long as possible and leave the past in your cool box.

DOM SAYS: You poor guy. This is terribly sad and I have to say my heart goes out to you. You went through it, didn't you?

Apparently you mentioned this very decently, especially after the rejection you felt when your ex-wife asked you to move out and end the marriage.

Dom (pictured) advised the reader to explain his feelings to his sons and to do a DNA test now rather than after his death

Dom (pictured) advised the reader to explain his feelings to his sons and to do a DNA test now rather than after his death

You continued to act responsibly and were not afraid. You did the right thing and went above and beyond that, I recommend you. I am happy to hear that you now have the relationship you deserve to comfort and support you in your later years.

In your longer letter you mentioned unfriendly and unhelpful reactions and comments that were made at weddings, parties and the like. You must have been hard to tolerate and I'm sorry you were the subject of such terrible gossip.

However, I have to say that I wonder if you did when you were at the receiving end of this kind of thing. They may have heard similar things themselves, which may explain why you don't hear from them very often. They might also intend to get in touch more often, but are just busy – they're in their thirties with their own lives and children.

Act now or take doubt into the grave

But just as you acted honorably and worked hard to ensure the well-being of your children when they were younger, you must continue to think about them now. Yes, you have a duty for your own happiness, but you must not put it through pain after you leave.

Think how upset they would be if you had to endure this after you died when you weren't around to express your love for them. If you think you need to know the truth about their DNA, invite them in and explain how you feel. Apologize to them now if you can. Tell them that the results don't affect how much you love them.

You say in your letter that you love them with every thread in your body – tell them that! If they agree to take the tests and it turns out that they are not yours, you must let them know that you still love them – and you cannot if you are 6 feet below you.

As for the will, it is up to you to leave your money the way you want it, and if it is not biologically yours, you owe them nothing more than love and support. But keep in mind that wills that are supposed to hurt do just that.

My advice? Either take your anger with your ex and your doubts about fatherhood to your grave, or grab the nettle when you're still there to heal the wound.

If you have a question you want Steph and To pack the cathedral, write to: stephanddom

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