TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 5
During a Good Morning Britain debate, I identified myself as a "two-ghost penguin" to illustrate the BBC's madness that tells children in educational videos that there are at least 100 genders.
If people can now identify themselves as anything they want (one of them is "astral sex" – an affinity for space …), why shouldn't I be able to freely align with other beloved carnivorous creatures around the world who waddle when they do go?
"Let's take a picture together," I suggested to Rebekah when the game started. "It could actually bring you the sympathy vote …" "What caption did you put on it?" She asked suspiciously after I posted the snapshot. "It's … Rebekah Vardy," I replied
Of course there was an immediate Twitter campaign to "cancel" me. This is the mandatory response of the modern illiberal liberal snowflake to all who dare to question their often absurd worldview.
This led to almost 1,000 complaints about my alleged “transphobia” to the Ofcom television authority, which apparently was a record for every show in 2019.
Today Ofcom decided in my favor, rejected all complaints and referred to my "clearly expressed support and respect for the transgender guest in the program".
(This guest was India Willoughby, Britain's first transgender TV news anchor, who, like many people who actually switched, is even more outraged at this nonsense of 100 genders than I am because he makes fun of what they're going through. )
So I am free to continue to identify myself as a two-ghost penguin, and the terrible, bright mob “CANCEL EVERYONE!” Has been temporarily returned to its small box, signaling the virtues.
All of this is very p-p-p pleasant.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 9
"Fancy a real football game when we play Arsenal on November 9th?" Wrote Rebekah Vardy, wife of Jamie from Leicester City and England, six weeks ago. "I'm sorting a vegan plate at half-time …"
"Yes to the game, no to the vegan plate," I replied.
A few days later, Ms. Vardy was involved in another sensational social media scandal with another Wag, Wayne Rooney's wife Coleen.
In a saga entitled "Wagatha Christie", Ms. Rooney conducted a secret detective investigation to find out who revealed stories from her private Instagram account – and called the suspect in a dramatic statement: "It's … Rebekah Vardy's account. "
Rebekah, who I've known for a few years, vehemently denied the claim and has now hired lawyers to prove her innocence, and the jury is still unsure of exactly what happened.
But of course the media was happy about every drop of the tickling showdown, and she quickly became the number one enemy of the state.
I went into the Vardy Box at Leicester's King Power Stadium, hugged Rebekah, who is eight months pregnant with her fifth child, and announced, "I'm here to fix your public image!"
"Oh god," she chuckled, "that's all I need …"
"Are you okay?" I asked more seriously.
"Almost," she replied, "but it was very difficult for me and the whole family, especially when the baby is coming." I can imagine.
Whatever the truth, and Rebekah is equally emphatic – and convincing – private with her refusal to be the treat, Coleen's decision to humiliate her friend at this stage of pregnancy was very poorly advised.
In fact, the nasty abuse Rebekah received as a result, including death threats, was so bad that Robbie Williams attacked Coleen today for playing a "dangerous game" that created a "level of shame," "suicide." cause ".
"Let's take a picture together," I suggested to Rebekah when the game started. "It can actually bring you the sympathy vote …"
"What caption did you put on it?" She asked suspiciously after I posted the snapshot.
"It's … Rebekah Vardy," I replied.
She burst out laughing.
But her laugh became a weary sigh when the Arsenal fans chanted "Jamie Vardy … your wife is a grass" at the away game! "Let's go," she grimaced ruefully. “I get that every game now. All opposition fans think Jamie will end it, but they are wasting their time because he never allows things like that to come to him – it just makes him play better! "
Her husband inevitably soon scored a great goal. And then he made support for Leicester's second.
"I told you …" Rebekah grinned.
To make my misery worse, ITV started showing GMB's The Chase Celebrity Special, in which I didn't know what the cockney slang phrase "borrow and beg" ("egg") meant, and said the letter "o" be a consonant.
"Your team is almost as bad as your performance at The Chase," tweeted Gary Lineker. "Thoughts are with you in this difficult time."
The only benefit of my terrible day was that lunch turned out to be a roast turkey with all the ingredients. "I couldn't get you to eat the vegan plate, piers," said Rebekah. "I don't know how much pain Jamie would do to you."
The obnoxious abuse Rebekah received, including death threats, was so bad that Robbie Williams attacked Coleen today for playing a "dangerous game".
Leicester won 2-0, and her hero, who has scored nine goals in his last nine games against Arsenal, then jumped into the box with a bright grin, pulled a festive beer out of the fridge and exclaimed, "Where's the penguin ? "
"Keep his bloody beak down," I made a face.
Leicester has moved up to second place in the Premier League and is playing so well that I wouldn't rule out that they could do another miracle, like their 5,000: 1 title win in 2016.
Jamie introduced me to Aiyawatt Srivaddhanaprabha, the chairman of the club, known as "Top", whose father Vichai was tragically killed in a helicopter crash a year ago when he left the stadium. "Your family built something very special here," I said.
"Thanks," he replied. "The people here are very special."
You are. I have never met any friendlier, friendlier employees and fans on a football pitch – a group that is connected both by extraordinary triumph and by desperate tragedy.
Before I left, some locals entered the box to ask for a selfie. "Of course!" I replied. "Let me get my personal photographer to take it." I passed her phones to Jamie, who slowly shook his head and laughed, and then took the pictures.
"Last laugh at the penguin," I chuckled.
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